There’s this fantasy people have about bedtime, and, well, it’s honestly a bit laughable. The kids go to sleep, the house goes quiet, and then apparently dads are meant to float gracefully into a peaceful evening full of rest and relaxation. Like, this is the time to make relaxation happen and maybe even relieve some stress. Well, good luck, because for most people, their kids’ bedtime isn’t really a grand finish line where they’re free until their bedtime. It’s filled with things to do to prepare for the next day.
Like, there’s bottles to wash, crumbs to wipe up, toys to move off the stairs before someone breaks an ankle, and at least one child who’s somehow still shouting for things they want before they can even sleep. So no, it’s not really that magical golden window of “freedom” if you want to call it that. Well, it’s not just free time, cause you need to have brain power to actually enjoy it, keep that in mind too.
So, what can you even do to feel recharged again, like to actually relax?
It’s Time to Stop Acting Like Every Evening Needs to be Useful
Well, dads and mums tend to get stuck here actually, because the minute the kids are asleep, the brain goes straight into “right, what still needs doing?” mode. There’s always something. There’s always a dishwasher to empty, lunches to think about, an email to answer, something to tidy, or some deeply irritating household task that’s been hanging around for three days, giving side-eye from the corner of the room. No matter what, there’s chores; do those chores today, well, tomorrow, those chores will still be there, so you technically never actually catch up.
And of course, some of that stuff does need doing. Fair enough. But if every evening turns into Dad Overtime, then no wonder it never feels restful. There’s a difference between using the evening and rinsing every last drop out of it until it feels like another shift. A lot of dads are doing the second one and calling it normal. It’s alright for free time to be genuinely free.
Not productive, not efficient, not character-building, just free. That’s not lazy, that’s called being a person. Besides, a very tired person, probably, but still a person.
Pick Things that Don’t Ask too Much of You
No, no, no, no doomscrolling! But taking doom scrolling out of account here, most people seem to connect the dots that relaxing means you either have to put in high effort, like analog hobbies, or you have to put in no effort, like, well, napping or doom scrolling, or starting mindlessly at the TV.
Well, what’s going to make you feel relaxed? Maybe it’s playing Solitaire online, reading something enriching (and comics are fine too), doing a very light workout, meditating, journaling, stretching, starting a project, learn a skill, playing a super easy video game, well, you probably get the point here. But these are some ideas that don’t require too much brainpower, but they’re still better and safer than consuming brain rot or just getting your brain to “numb” from the content you’re consuming.
Make the House Feel Less Like Mission Control
Well, one of the hardest parts of unwinding at home is that the house still looks like the place where all the work happened. There’s usually evidence everywhere. Like kids’ socks on the couch, LEGOs here and there, something sticky on the coffee table, fingerprints, well, you know, you live with this. So sure, it can be hard to relax when you see all of this stuff.
So yeah, tiny changes help. Nothing major, just enough to take the edge off. Sure, you can clean up, but again, that goes with the above; sometimes, you should just relax. So, if you can, maybe consider small things like turning off the big light, sitting somewhere comfortable, and maybe putting something decent on the telly. Make a drink that feels like part of winding down (and some prefer alcohol), get a blanket, well, you get the point. So, would any of these work for you?
And no, the house doesn’t need to be spotless first. That’s a trap. If relaxation only starts once everything’s perfectly sorted, then relaxation’s basically been cancelled.
Do Something that Feels Like Yours
Just yours and only yours, so maybe it can switch your brain better into relaxation mode. But seriously, though, this bit’s important because a lot of dads spend the entire day in service mode. Well, all sorts of service modes like work mode, parent mode, partner mode, house mode, fix-it mode, find-it mode, open-this mode, carry-that mode. It’s a lot.
And your partner is probably doing the same and being in the same mode too. So when the kids are finally asleep, you need to get out of these modes and just enjoy something that just makes you feel like you again. That makes you feel at peace, something that’s only yours.
